50 page, 2 colour risograph publication, printed on evercopy 80gsm, edition of 100.

Emo-tion-al. Thinking about emo makes me emotional. I spend a lot of time thinking about emo. This zine includes old drawings, new visual art, mixtapes, snippets of old blogging, new writing, old faces and scanned in memories. Guess which is which. What was made last week and what was made in 2005.

Music & Misery, 2017

*holds up spork*

On myspace my username was G*Rawr. Like the jeans. G-Star Raw.

But like ……………………………………………… emo. 

 

I still spend a lot of my time thinking about emo. 

 

I spend a lot of time thinking about what emo was, and whether emo still is. I read articles where guys tell me Fall Out Boy aren’t real emo and I’m not, like, a real emo, yknow, cos like, real emo is like, Sunny Day Real Estate and yeah, like, have you even heard of them??????

 

The title of a zine I made about emo comes from a Fall Out Boy song, who’s title comes from every band bro’s fave film; High Fidelity. Which came first? The music or the misery? I spend a lot of my time thinking about whether my favourite genre is emo or whether I am An Emo or whether I’m just feeling emo. 

 

If High Fidelity came out in 2017, John Cusack would be both emo and An Emo. 

 

Some people never got over Vietnam or the night their band opened for Nirvana. I guess I never got over Emo. Emo is every ex I ever had combined into one perfect sweep fringe, romanticised by nostalgia, trauma, and the baseline from Dance, Dance. Emo formed the basis of who I am; introducing me to obnoxious hair cuts, scowling, queer culture, digital community, anxiety and a dependancy on internet validation. I get emotional thinking about what emo has done for me. 

 

Emo -

              tion - 

                        al. 

 

Emo allowed me to be self indulgently emotional. Every mental health mantra I have, good or bad, I have because emo taught me it through my iPod nano. It’s okay that you spend a lot of time crying alone in your room. Simple Plan actually make it sound pretty cool. Emo always felt different to other emotional music because the lyrics were all feeling; 1% narrative, 99% raw angst. Music largely written by adult men, relatable in every situation to a teenage girl. 

 

Do you believe you’re missing out, that everything good is happening somewhere else? 

 

I still spend a lot of time wondering whether having misery on tap growing up was a positive. I declared the D*ily M*il banned from my childhood home for blaming emo for self harm and suicide. But with lyrics like ‘so cut my wrists and black my eyes’ and ‘you could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath I’d apologise for bleeding on your shirt’… it was a hard case to argue against a worried adult in 2008. 

 

 

I Fancied Pete Wentz and All I Got Were These Faded Self Harm Scars. 

 

 

(Crying alone in your room never really feels that cool) 

 

I still spend a lot of my time thinking about emo. I still spend a decent amount of time crying alone in my room. Sometimes I google my ex and listen to the first Brand New song he showed me and I wonder how many 15 year old emo girls had creepy older exes because looking back it seems like a lot. 

 

Teenage girls vs Maradona vs Elvis vs Men Being Terrible As Usual.

 

Does anyone else think Seventeen Forever by Metro Station was a weird peado anthem? Was there something in the water back then? Something in the Monster energy drink and I’ll have 2 cans for a fiver cheers and yeah it’s cool I’m just really mature for my age. 

 

I think a lot about coming out to my parents recently, and I think a lot about my own introduction to my queerness. I think about being turned on by emo girls and emo boys and all of them together and how smudged eyeliner is hot on just about anyone. I think about us all being bullied because ‘emo boys look like girls and emo girls look like boys’ and I think about how I thought about gender in 2008 and I think about how it isn’t that different to 2017. 

 

The way I look back over emo sometimes feels like my gran talking about the 60s. It’s only been like 10 years since emo was at it’s height. I still spend a lot of my time thinking about emo. Someone said I talk about My Chemical Romance like they’re The Beatles. Which is weird because they’re better than The Beatles in like, every single way. I want fill a USB drive with printscreens of my MCR-decorated profiles, my pointless MSN convos, my old high angle selfies. I want to keep it as a souvenir to show my grandchildren. Ahh yes children, that’s a conversation with a boy from Texas who used to send me Three Doors Down songs. How did you meet him Gran? Oh I didn’t, he saw my profile on EmoBucket.com and asked for my addy. 

 

I spend a lot of time wondering how every random person I ever spoke to on MSN is doing now. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I hope their PM reads sOmEtHiNg PoSiTiVe. 

                                                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I spend a lot of time thinking about digital communities and the important relationships built up through mutual love of a vague music genre. I spend a lot of my time thinking about how many times bands said friends in every single song and every time they said friends you’d look at your friends and you’d be like friends! and they’d be like friends! and you’d be like omg and they’d be like xD this is our song i’m so glad we’re friends! Friends. I spend a lot of time thinking about how that connection is still there. Whether it’s with old friends or making new friends at pre drinks and realising they know the words to the Jimmy Eat World track you just played, anxiously dipping your black nail polished toe in to test the Descpacitos tinged waters. It’s like you can hear Pop Punk Bands Saying “Friends” 18,518 views immediately on eye contact. 

That old saying.

 You’re never more than 5 metres away from an emo. 

 

I still spend a lot of time thinking about those emos.

 

Emo has been talked about in retrospective in the last few years by artists and writers more skilled and dedicated and ‘into’ the scene than me. I make art about emo because I want to do something to give something back, even something not that good, because that’s how emo made you feel. Like covering Blink 182’s Feeling This at your school disco when you had a cold and your entire band was made up 3 weeks ago based on who looked the coolest with what instruments. 

 

I don’t wanna make it. I just wanna. 

Photographs by Faisal Muhammad from EMO TIONAL, one night exhibition celebrating emo / launching Music & Misery, featuring works by Stacey Davidson, Thomas Tyler, Jessica Tayler Cain, Pippa Eason, Scarlett Hirst, Ralph Pritchard and Jennifer Walton.

Zine included: Jessica-Tayler Cain, Jennifer Walton  Marianne Eloise {Emo Diary}, Heather Wilson, Bex Ilsley, Thomas Tyler, Molly Soda, Olivia Ford, Katy Lynch, Stacey Davidson, Rhys Laird, Izzy Kroese, Hannah Caroline Trim, Phoebe Nightingale, Pippa Eason, Claire Biddles, Emma Sywyj, Scarlett Hirst, Erin Davies, Ralph Pritchard, Daisy May, Charlotte Clutterbuck {Emo Disco}, Beth Mellett, Rebecca Edwards, Fletcher Jackson, Meghan Darby and Hatti Rex.